Compassionate Communication
Compassionate Communication is a way of thinking—a consciousness—and a way of communicating and being in the world that increases the likelihood that we will create the change we’d like, and arrive at outcomes that everyone enjoys and can support through connection. It elevates our relationships and enhances the self-esteem of the individuals involved. It is direct, honest, and is rooted in a goal of mutual understanding, care, and respect.
At Home
We all have basic human needs. When they aren’t met or we think they won’t be met, discomfort arises within us. This discomfort can either lead to conflict and harm toward ourselves or toward others, or it can lead to renewed connection. Heart Talk is a path to connection.
Compassionate Communication or “Heart Talk” is a teachable process that can provide the foundation for all interactions within your home. In every moment, it helps you remain in the present moment and be the loving parent you would like to be, and teaches the skills your child needs to be successful, both at home and at school. Heart Talk provides an avenue to connect in honest and trusting ways with ourselves, with our family members, and with our friends and co-workers.
Heart Talk involves no coercion. We define coercion as psychological, emotional, and/or physical force or manipulation that brings about change in our own or someone else's behavior through shame, guilt, a fear of punishment, a sense of duty or obligation, a hope for a reward, or out of the belief that we must first deserve or earn love/respect in order to receive it. Coercive change comes with a high cost. The self-esteem of each person involved is typically damaged in the process.
Yet, Heart Talk IS ultimately about changing behaviors in ourselves and in others when our behaviors or theirs are not aligned with our shared values and agreements. It is change that comes from a different energy than we have been taught and trained to use. Interactions guided by Heart Talk are not outcome driven yet increase the likelihood that an outcome that everyone enjoys will be reached. Change is not the goal of these interactions. Understanding is the goal. Change is the benefit of having achieved the quality of understanding and connection that Heart Talk makes possible.
The outcome: When we achieve this quality of understanding and connection, our children are much more willing – and even eager and happy – to try anything we ask of them, trusting we are as interested in meeting their needs as we are in meeting our own. It is then that they can contentedly release their wants in the moment and consider other's needs and perspectives.
The Basics of Compassionate Communication - Our Thinking
The Basics of Compassionate Communication - Our Presence
The Basics of Compassionate Communication - Our Language
Inspiring Gratitude and Giving from the Heart
The Compassionate Use of Force and Natural Consequences
Restorative Justice Instead of Punishment
Preventive Medicine
Limiting Beliefs - Barriers to Empathy
In Progress
In Progress
At School
We all have basic human needs. When they aren’t met or we think they won’t be met, discomfort arises within us. This discomfort can either lead to conflict and harm toward ourselves or toward others, or it can lead to renewed connection. Heart Talk is a path to connection.
Compassionate Communication or “Heart Talk” is not a Social Emotional Learning curriculum. It is not a system of student behavior support. It is a teachable process that can form a compassionate foundation for the entire classroom and school culture. It will strengthen SEL instruction, student behavior support, bully prevention, and each of the other social emotional programs and goals we pursue as educators. As educators, Heart Talk is integral to our relationships both in and out of school. It is how we connect in trusting ways with ourselves, with students, with parents, and with each other.
Heart Talk involves no coercion. We define coercion as psychological, emotional, and/or physical force or manipulation that brings about change through shame, guilt, a fear of punishment, a sense of duty or obligation, a hope for a reward, or out of the belief that we must first deserve or earn love/respect in order to receive it. Coercive change comes with a high cost. The self-esteems of everyone involved are typically damaged in the process.
Yet, Heart Talk IS ultimately about changing behaviors in ourselves and in others when our behaviors or theirs are not aligned with our shared values and agreements. However, it is change that comes from a different energy than we have been taught and trained to use. Interactions guided by Heart Talk are not outcome driven yet increase the likelihood that an outcome that everyone enjoys will be reached. Change is not the goal of these interactions. Understanding is the goal. Change is the benefit of having achieved the quality of understanding and connection that Heart Talk makes possible.
The outcome: When we achieve this quality of understanding and connection, students are much more willing – and even eager and happy – to try anything we ask of them, trusting we are as interested in meeting their needs – not only as students but as human beings – as we are in meeting our own. They will then joyfully take the kinds of risks necessary for deep and sustained academic, social and emotional learning.
The Basics of Compassionate Communication - Our Thinking
The Basics of Compassionate Communication - Our Presence
The Basics of Compassionate Communication - Our Language
Inspiring Gratitude and Giving from the Heart
The Compassionate Use of Force and Natural Consequences
Restorative Justice Instead of Punishment
Preventive Medicine
Limiting Beliefs - Barriers to Empathy
In Progress
In Progress